It’s been a long few weeks full of emotion and heartache. Our circumstances haven’t changed or become worse but yet our grief has seemed to increase. I think the reality that my mother in law is actually gone sets in as time continues to pass.
Almost daily my kids tell me that they miss their Nana. My daughter keeps saying that she wants her Nana back and all I can say in response is that I do too. I would love to have her back here and hear her laugh while she is playing with my kids. And of course the holidays seem to shine a spotlight on the fact that she is gone.
We’ve been trying to figure out how to celebrate the holidays and experience minimal pain and sadness. And yet no matter what we do this holiday season, we will all miss her and wish she was here with us. I wish we could hit the fast forward button to after the holidays so we didn’t have to experience this season without her. In the midst of this tough season, I think it’s easy to start asking why God allowed this to happen in the first place.
But this morning God reminded me that even though he allowed her to die, he provided for us ahead of time. We were supposed to be in an apartment when we moved here and we would have either just moved or still be in the apartment right when my mother in law passed away. Ever since we moved here, I have often thanked God for the provision of this house and this neighborhood. But this morning God reminded me of his specific provision for her death. By moving into this house instead of an apartment, we were able to house out of town guests and family during the funeral, we had a community already in place that could surrounded us in the midst of our loss, and our kids were able to experience stability during a very difficult and confusing time.
So yes God still allowed my mother in law to die, but He provided for us in the midst of this huge loss. He reminded me that He does see our pain and our loss. He doesn’t try to minimize it. I was reminded of a passage in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
I pray that as I give Him the pieces of my broken heart that He will comfort me and mend my heart with His superglue of grace. And that when He applies His love and grace to those broken places, He will bring full restoration and healing like only He can.
I want to allow God to comfort me in the midst of my loss and then give away what He has given to me. I don’t know where you are at this holiday season, but it seems like everywhere I look someone is experiencing the loss of a loved one or going through a painful experience. My prayer for you is that you can make Jesus your only hope this season. Entrust your broken pieces to God and watch what He will do to mend your heart and to bring you comfort and healing.
My grief is not too big for Him and I trust that He sees my brokenness and longs to come alongside me and comfort my heart. I pray you too can look to Him during this season and that you will find His tangible comfort and love.