This past week has flown by and I wonder if it has all been a bad dream. We were just getting our son settled in Kindergarten when the unexpected happened. My mother in law was ushered into heaven at the age of 66 leaving us shocked and broken. Suddenly our whole world has changed and we are in a daze wondering what happened.
Even though we are shocked, God is not. He has known what would happen that Friday night – it was not a surprise to him. And yet to us, we remain standing with our mouths open wondering what just occurred and why. Why was she taken from this Earth so soon? Why am I losing another mom? Why are my kids losing another grandma? Why has my father in law lost the love of his life? Why did she have to die so soon after we moved here?
We are left with silence for now. We do not know why she died and we likely will never know. And yet I can see God’s hand on the timing of it all and I can see his infinite grace. He rushed the sale of both of our houses in Indiana so we could all move out here in May. He knew we would need a support system when this happened so he placed us here in this neighborhood surrounded by amazing people who have loved and supported us. Due to my mother in law’s recent knee injury, my son had gotten used to not seeing her every week which helped prepare him for Kindergarten and her passing. My in-laws were in the middle of purchasing a house here but God allowed her to pass a week before they closed on the house giving my father in-law time to stop the sale. There are too many examples of God’s provision to list here, but at least you can see a glimpse of His faithfulness to us in the midst of this difficult situation.
But the question remains: How do I move on from here? I remember feeling this way when my mom passed as well. The world swirled around me and yet I remained stuck not knowing which way to move. Death also made me question everything I knew to be true. I remember when my mom passed I deeply struggled with believing that God was still good and that He still loved me and my family. This time, I pray my heart can hold on to the One that is reaching down to me.
I’m reminded of the following verse that I’ve heard so many times, but today I find myself clinging to it in my weakness.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all of your heart.”
So even though my circumstances do not feel good at this moment, I choose to believe that He is still good. I’ve been through enough tough circumstances in the past 10 years to know that even when life is hard and painful, God is still good. It’s a truth I must cling to, even when I struggle to believe it.
I’m not sure what you are walking through today. It may not be the death of a loved one, but perhaps it’s financial difficulty, divorce, declining health, a broken relationship, infertility, etc… but whatever your circumstance may be, cling to the hope that God is greater than your circumstance and God is still good.